Date Night!

Did you know it’s healthy to go on dates! Especially to continue once married. Keep the courtship alive! Flirt up a storm, and take an opportunity to be alone (without any kids), strengthen good communication, laugh together and let the stress just melt away.

Trust me; it will be good for the kids in the long run anyway! Just think, they will see mom and dad taking time for each other; they’ll most likely see you return home even happier then when you left too. It can help to relax tension in the home, improve your own communication skills, your own bonds, helping you find balance between “parent time” and “child time”. Children can learn what it means to respect spouses, and to nurture relationships.  If your child has a hard time with it, set up a “daddy-daughter or mother-son” date for lunch Saturday. In all actuality a child’s health is more dependent on the parent’s marital health then one would typically think, weekly date night for the parents might just help with some of the child’s anxiety or frustrations.

Start now, ask your spouse on a date for tonight! It’s Friday! Rekindle the fire, get away from the norm, and go do something you did when you were in college, be romantic, be flirtatious, be creative, and don’t be afraid to laugh!

What’s the problem? Can’t think? Nervous? Your creative juices ran out 10 years ago? Hog-posh! Visit this website to get some great ideas whether you’re a guy or a girl. They’ve got pointers for cute ways to ask, or idea’s for group dates, couple dates, romantic nights, adventures, themes, at home or out on the town. Give it a try. 

http://www.thedatingdivas.com/

 

~~A report was released in the national marriage project on this topic. A summarized version of the report is found at this link. It talks about why date night is so important and how couple time matters. If you’d like to learn more, take a look at it. http://foryourmarriage.org/why-date-nights-matter/ as well as 12 benefits to “Dating Your Mate” found at this website: http://www.nwamarriages.com/datenights/benefits-of-dating/

Talking about Marriage Conflicts

Scenario:

You and your spouse get into an argument. Immediately afterword (you’re still a little heated and the problem is still unresolved) you run into an old friend (or your mom calls). What do you do?

It is human nature to want to vent, and relieve the stress and pressure we feel. Especially when the one who is generally the closest to us has hurt or offended us. Next best option is to call up one of your parents and get it off your chest, or tell your  best friend what’s going on… right? WRONG!!! Don’t even think about it!

If there is a conflict between you are your spouse, it needs to stay between you and your spouse (unless in abusive situations). It is detrimental to your relationship in more ways than one.  Here are some of the points that show this.

·        Violates the trust your marriage is based upon

o   How would you like to know he/she was talking bad behind your back? How would you like to know that all his or her friends thought negatively of you…only because of what they have heard?

·        Gives a “sour taste” in the mouth of others- and that’s what they will remember

o   Once the words are out, you can’t take them back. Even after you and your spouse resolve the conflict. Everyone else will still remember the conflict.

·        Festers and builds up the anger/frustration you have against your spouse.

o   Let’s face it, you’re just going to think you are more “justified” in your own position and that your spouse is “all wrong”

·        Friends/ Family may give biased opinions

o   Sometimes, too much involvement can ruin a truly good relationship. Why do you want to risk it?

I could go on. In fact, if you have any, please add them.

 But here is a thought to consider; don’t be afraid to get help. Talking to a Family and Marriage therapist is a good thing. However, don’t try to get counseling on your own… work together with your spouse. It’s been shown that couples who seek out individual counseling, rather than joint marriage counseling are MORE likely to end up in a divorce then if they hadn’t had counseling at all? You may ask, “Why is that? I’m trying; I’m going to a counselor.” But that just it, it’s still “you, me, I” not we. When you are there it may make you feel better, but it builds more resentment between you and your spouse.

It’s said that there are 4 C’s to having good intimacy in your marriages:  Communication, compatibility, chemistry, and closeness. Note the very first one is communication. Talk to your spouse. Work things out. In the process be sure that you don’t attack your spouse. Instead of saying, “You do this…” expresses how you feel, such as “I feel sad when…” Try not to command “You should…”, but ask, “Would you mind…”

Don’t be afraid to love, and show that love. Yes your feelings and opinions are important, but so are your spouses, make sure those needs are listened to and met.  

Marriage. Like a pair of scissors.

       Family is ordained of God. It has been from the beginning of time. Men and women are meant to be together, to raise children in righteousness and love.
       The other day I heard an analogy that I want to share with you. Marriage is like a pair of scissors. There are two separate individuals. You and your spouse, lets imagine each of you as sides of the scissors. If you were the same person (or made out of the same piece) it wouldn't work.  But when separate, and then connected together (by the bonds of marriage), you are able to work side-by-side, in unison. You each have to put forth 100% effort, and when you do you find success, you become much happier.
       Imagine a pair of scissors and one half said "no way, I'm not doing that" and only closed 1/2 the way... the other side can't just carry the load, and eventually after enough pressure mounts the scissors would break. Let's prevent that in our marriages, and start thinking a little bit more about the other person and much less about ourselves. Let us stand side-by-side our spouse in the thick and the thin, and learn to work together.

"Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities."