The purpose and steps of dating:

So what is a date? There is something we call the “3 P’s”.  They are as follows:

• ·        Planned (organized and prepared)
• ·        Paid for (usually the man does this, especially if he asked. There is no “Dutch”)
• ·        Paired off (even in group dates you have someone who is “your date”, it’s NOT just hanging out)

Dating isn’t just about “mate-selection”. No, there is much more too it. It’s for practice too!

If you take the three responsibilities fathers have in their homes (preside, provide and protect) found in the Family Proclamation https://www.lds.org/topics/family-proclamation?lang=eng and compare them with the 3 P’s of dating you will find how closely related they are.

• ·        Paid For-----Provide (Manage the resources, the location, the supplies etc)
• ·        Planned----- Preside (Take charge, make decisions-not the boss, but an “executive officer”)
• ·        Paired off----- Protect (Sense of security and stability, companionship, keep each other in check morally)

It’s is also practice for the women. If you look at her roles as a mother (under the above link) we can make those same connections. As women we are to nurture those around us, as date you may help to protect feelings, help the guy know you appreciate them. Maintain chaste (sexually pure) and help the guy do so as well. Nurture, encourage and reinforce positive decisions.

The patterns established in dating will ultimately be the patterns for marriage.

Dating does have many purposes:

• ·        Recreation and Fun
• ·        Intimacy and companionship (intimacy refers to closeness, not sex)
• ·        Mate selection
• ·        Status attainment
• ·        Socialization, and being socialized (learning to function with individuals and in groups)

I think up to those point I have used the term “dating” very liberally. However when I say “dating” I do not mean “boyfriend girlfriend” I literally mean going on dates.

There are distinct steps to finding a spouse.

• Dating--going on dates with a variety of people, in a variety of activities
• Courtship--exclusive dating. This is generally with one person, and you both feel that up to this point you have been compatible enough to move forward. The sole purpose of this phase is to determine further if you are compatible for marriage. If you don’t want marriage, don’t be exclusive.
• Engagement-Prepare together for marriage (not sexually! This making the wedding plans, and letting people know it’s happening. Questions about finances, addictions, family, backgrounds should have been answered LONG before this point)
• Marriage-Enjoy being together! (Now, and only now can and should relationship become sexual)

In today’s world we tend to “slide” from stage to stage, and “oh well, we will just see where it goes” or “maybe if I sleep with him we will know if we love each other” or “He asked me on a date! Maybe we’ll kiss, maybe he/she will become my boy/girlfriend.” These are all false premises!  That is like saying “I already have to be a candidate for marriage before my first date with you”.

        No, these steps need to be distinct and thought-out. They need to be discussed, you should have the question, “Well he held my hand… so I think that we are exclusive… maybe?” Always have, what we like to call DTR’s-Determine The Relationship. Talk about it, and figure out where you truly stand.

If you are struggling with what standards you should set for dating, visit this link: https://www.lds.org/manual/for-the-strength-of-youth-fulfilling-our-duty-to-god/dating?lang=eng&query=strength+youth